The unsaid dream of not everyone but some for sure!

You know how some women dream of having a destination wedding? I would like to share a few things that I had in mind when I decided to go down on my knees to propose to my boyfriend (Who's now the father of our child of course or else I would not be writing this blog! :P) for marriage! Oh yeah! I was the one who proposed to him to get married! Not that I did not dream of getting proposed in some romantic way but to be honest, the rush I felt when I had to plan the proposal was totally worth it!

So it was his birthday when I decided to surprise him by going under his office building at 12:00 am with handcuffs (Before you get any kinky thoughts, we had already exchanged promise rings on Valentine's day so I thought to do something different!)

So luckily I have 2 sisters and a best friend who were holding the signs that said “Will”, “You”, “Marry” and I was holding “Me?” of course! We cut the cake at 12 as planned and then asked him to get cleaned up while we took positions to stand in a line. I still have the vivid memory of the moment when he saw me sitting on my knees with the “Me?” sign along with the handcuffs and he ran towards me, kissed me, sat on his knees and said “Yes! Yes!”. So that’s how it all started. I proposed to him in September and we wanted to get married in December of the same year. We had met on the 18th of December 2016 so we wanted to get married on the same date in 2017.

We had plans, very simple ones though, that would include a court marriage, a small reception with very limited guests and to have some kids from an orphanage be a part of our marriage. I wanted a few things to be different while a few to remain old school. I always believed and I still do that we are two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that fit right when put together so we kept that as a theme for our wedding. Our wedding card was a 4 piece Jigsaw puzzle which when joined would give you details of our reception along with the note to get gifts for the children and not for us. Our wedding ring has a jigsaw puzzle on it too :)

So as planned we went for a court marriage, threw a small reception party for our dear friends and relatives, and went to Bali for our honeymoon. Everything went as per our plan but is that where it all ends? Is that what a girl really dreams of about her marriage? Lehenga, jewelry, photoshoots, honeymoon, and gifts? Well, with me that was not the case and I am sure there are plenty of you out there who also have plans that are way beyond just the wedding and the reception! Marriage is called a sacred bond for a reason! And to have a successful one, we all need to understand a few things about being “Married”.

M - Making Adjustments: Adjustments don’t just start with the fact that we are now going to share the same wardrobe as our partner but also the fact that we will have to make adjustments with other things like a new address, name change on official documents (by choice!), change of salutation from Miss to Mrs., calling your partner’s parents mom and dad, adjusting the time you take shower, the kind of food that you eat, your morning rituals and the list goes on. It took some time for me to change these habits. I am sure there are some of you out there still trying to adjust. All the best darling it will all turn out just fine! :)

A - Accepting A New Family: It’s not a surprise that a lot of us are expected to be the “Adarsh Bahu” in front of our in-laws and it is totally fine to sometimes admit that it sucks! We have to be diplomatic in the way we talk, we speak to someone over the phone, we dress, we sit and what not! Come on, don’t say that “My sasuma is chilled!”.. So is mine! But we all still pretend to be someone we are not when we are around them. No matter how loving our partner is, we can’t be totally open about what we think about his parents, we don’t want to hurt the sentiments of our beloved husband do we? So yeah accepting a new family like ours is a task and may take ‘days’ to ‘months’ to ‘years’ to ‘never’ in order to accomplish it!

R - Rebuilding A New Home: Now this is where the real challenge lies! Sometimes, you don’t like the cushion cover, you cringe at the thought of using a particular type of towel, you don’t like the color of your couch, you think the mattress is too hard, etc. You have to take charge of rebuilding your whole house. It’s the sweetest dream and believe me I have seen some newlyweds shop for kitchen appliances and oh the joy of buying new non-stick cookware is just ineffable. So yeah, after you get married you have to rebuild your home, we all have done it at some point I am sure!

R - Restarting A New Life: It’s not just the change of household appliances or your name on the documents, there is a beginning of a new life for you. A life where you are an important part of someone’s life, a life where you will be pushing your husband to become better and shall expect the same from their end. There will be ups and downs, lots of changes but one thing that will and should remain constant is the support that you will provide and receive from your companion. Your financial commitments will change, your solo trip will automatically get converted into a couple trip and so on.

I - Ignoring Petty Things: Now it is not always possible that your partner will mirror exactly the traits that you possess. There could be a difference where you like caramel popcorn and he likes the cheese ones! When you decide to get married to someone, one thing that plays an important role is not to try to change them into another “You”. You got to learn to accept changes and enjoy the little differences that you both possess. Trying to make your partner another “You” will just complicate things.

E - Elevating Your Partner: So there will be times when maybe your partner will come home cranky from work, sometimes he will get work with him and may not be as available as you require him to be but you know what will get him through? Your support! What we often fail to realize is that it is equally painful for them when they have to work late, when they are called to work on weekends, when their leaves are canceled at the last moment and you end up canceling your Lonavala plan. Now, your upset face is the last thing they would want to see when they get home. Sometimes, it’s okay to let things go. Just a soothing statement saying, “Hey, it’s okay. This doesn’t happen very often. We will reschedule it for some other time” will not only make them feel a little less guilty, but it will also strengthen your bond with them.

D - Dependence On Each Other: This is an important piece here. Feminists or pretending to be feminists out there please note that this section is not to offend you ladies! By dependence on each other, I don’t mean financially or to pick and drop to and from work or sponsoring the kitty parties for your wife! Dependence here means that emotionally, mentally you will end up depending on them. For instance, if they are coming home late on a particular day, it is bound to happen that you will get worried and probably would want a regular update till they reach home safely. It’s the same with your partner too. If you want a peaceful marriage, one thing you will need to accept is that as your relationship will mature so will be some of the habits like calls and messages when you go out, you may end up choosing clothes for them and they will do the same for you, you will discuss before investing money somewhere, etc. You will grow together and that would be the most lovely phase of your life if you accept a few changes here and there in your relationship!

Happy Married Life ya’ll!

Anila Andezhath

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