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  • Anila Andezhath

The Painful Phase


Hey there everyone!


In continuation to my earlier blog about my Depression, I am going to share my condition in detail in today's blog.


You might be wondering how did I know that I was depressed? Well, I am a person who loves to learn new things and keep evolving intellectually. That was the time when I had started reading books on Personal Growth, Time Management, People Management, etc which gave me more than enough time to be in my own company. I thought that was the reason why I started to avoid people and staying alone because hey I was reading and learning remember! Soon after a month of maintaining distance with friends and closed ones, I realized that I had started to become weak emotionally. To an extent that I would often find myself crying sitting alone without any valid reason. I did not even know why was I so upset and was not able to face anyone!


I realized that I had become a person who not only started to stay away from other people but my confidence level dropped to a level that I could not even speak in front of my friends. Meeting people at work and having a conversation with them became a nightmare. I felt like I always needed to be told that I am absolutely fine and I can achieve whatever I aim at. By this time, I had reached a point when I had left meetings halfway just to run to the restroom and cry even though nobody had said anything in the meeting that could trigger this behavior.


I was getting stressed thinking about what exactly happened to me that I was just not able to feel confident about myself. I decided to visit a Psychiatrist who after a detailed chat with me concluded that I was clinically depressed and would have to immediately start with medication. I agreed! I was on leave for a month with very limited access to anyone. My husband took me to places that made me feel better. Sometimes to waterfalls, sometimes to peaceful mountains. Slowly and gradually, I started to think like before and started realizing that I did not want to continue with this state of mind, way too many people were getting impacted because of me and I could not see them feeling so helpless that they were not able to get me out of this phase.


My first step was to decide that I didn't want to dwell in this situation! In my next blog, I will share all the steps that I took to not just stand back up but use my set back as a catapult that pulled me back just so that I could be relaunched to achieve something awesome!