• Anila Andezhath

Depression!


I am sure you must've raised your eyebrows reading that title as we all either have someone we know who is going through it or we ourselves, are dealing with it in some way or the other. Google says Depression means "Feelings of severe despondency (low spirits from loss of hope or courage) and dejection". Well, clearly some of us know that it's deeper than just feeling dejected. It takes a toll on everything that you do right from your social circle to your family to your personal relationship with your loved ones.


I wanted to drive your attention to something that may sympathize with you in the beginning but I assure you will feel way stronger as you read further on the subject.


If you follow me on social media, then you will see that I have got into bodybuilding and I must say that it's going pretty good! I started my journey a couple of years ago when I weighed 69 Kgs and now I am at 55 Kg. I have also posted a before-after image of myself as a birthday gift from me to me ^_^


Okay! So, let me share with you how I dealt with depression that controlled me for over a year. I had written a poem during that phase which I would like you to read so as to understand what was my condition at that time:


The poem goes like this:


I still remember the day when I started losing it all;

It was a slow poisoning effect, I vividly recall...


The gradual increase in numbness that I feel in my spine;

Suddenly the days have become gloomier, the stars have stopped to shine!


My feet feel heavier than before, my hands don't quit to stumble;

I tried talking it out, I can't! As I start to fumble...


Laughing and smiling are more like forced chores to me;

I feel claustrophobic around people, can anyone hear my plea?


I need help to recover and walk without a crutch;

I can't beat it no more, I crave a soothing touch...


This was one hell of a phase for me but I was blessed enough to have some people who not only understood me but also helped me recover. I was on leave for a month from work and I can't thank my boss enough for letting me be on such a long leave considering my position in the organization.


My then-boyfriend who's now my husband and my best friend not only dealt with my phase but he did everything possible to share the load. I am bold enough now to share in public that I was clinically depressed and was on anti-depressants for months at a stretch hiding in my shell not willing to meet or speak to anyone. People who know me are well aware of the fact that I am very talkative and not meeting anyone is definitely not me. I was not myself during that time and really felt like I am locked in a small dark room unable to find the exit.


Reason for depression? What caused it? Boyfriend / Family / Work / Friends? None! I was depressed because my life was not going in the direction it should have been. I was overweight, had PCOS that made me bloat at a speed I couldn't imagine. To top it off, I became an alcoholic. I have spondylitis that did not let me lift much using my shoulders, slipped disc that restricted my back from doing a lot of physical activities, shin splints that did not let me run. Everything seemed to have come to an end. I was in my late 20s dreading the slow approach of 30 which would aggravate my problem. Long story short, I felt really ugly and lost.


I will be sharing my condition in detail in the upcoming blogs but readers are requested to note that today, I am a Life Coach, Weight lifter, Writer, and there is more that I will be in the coming days.

 

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