Chapter 20 - The beauty of not knowing!

“I don’t know!”

This phrase can often be used to express various emotions; anger, arrogance, disrespect, etc. But can it be used as a motivation for acceptance? for non-judgment? The title of today’s blog ‘The beauty of not knowing” has proven to act as a boon in my life and has helped me a lot in being more accommodating and practicing non-judgment. Accepting that there are various ways to look at one scenario reduces the urge to correct and judge others.

I have a friend who has a dental overjet which means her upper front teeth protrude outward. Some people get it fixed using braces, some don’t. During one of our social gatherings, I noticed her sleeping on the couch. Although she appears to be very confident around others, I couldn’t ignore the fact that she was sleeping holding a part of her upper lip between her teeth. You see, usually, people with overjet teeth structure face this a lot when their mouth opens up in their sleep due to protruded structure of their upper or lower teeth. This girl was sleeping biting her upper lip between her teeth to control her mouth from opening.

Me at one point:

Why go through so much trouble when getting braces is easier and can guarantee results?

It’s funny how she’s trying to hide the gap consciously by pressing her lips between her teeth.

Me now:

I don’t know! Maybe she is scared of undergoing any treatment and wants to accept herself the way she is. Maybe she is conscious that someone would click a picture of her and she will become a laughing stock! She’s enduring pain, this must’ve taken her some practice. I don’t know maybe she was made fun of as a kid, in school, or at work by her peers. I don’t know what’s her mental status and how unconfident she may feel around people who look down upon her because of her dental structure. I have immense respect for her and no matter what happens, I will not fall under the category of people who shake her confidence.

It is easy and many times beyond our control to not judge someone for their actions. We are hard-wired to think a certain way, our causes and conditions play an important role in defining a lot of our beliefs and perceptions about life.

Social Stigmas:
  • Adoption is a great idea but one must have their biological child! Motherhood is a beautiful experience and a woman must not be deprived of one!

  • If you don’t marry in the next couple of years, you won’t get anyone to marry you as you would touch 30! It impacts a woman’s fertility and you may not become a mother ever! Or even if you become a mother, do you want to be old and tired when you have a toddler running around the house?

  • Our son is an Engineer, planning to settle abroad, has his own gigantic house in a posh locality. We want a bride to take care of our son and the family. We have more than sufficient wealth that she wouldn’t need to ever step out of the house to work.

  • He got divorced twice, which talks a lot about his character.

  • You’ve been working for the past 5 years and do not have a house of your own! What a shame!

  • You have a gay friend?! Do you even realize what people will think about you if they spot you hanging out with them?

  • Wooaah! you have lots of tattoos and piercings on you! Are you even serious about your life or you’re some junkie living hand to mouth?

  • Why are you changing your field? Don’t you know it would ruin your resume if you keep switching profiles every couple of years!

  • Her child died after birth because she used to post pictures about her pregnancy on social media! She asked for it!

  • Work hard and build your savings so you can retire at 40 and then live your life without having to work a day in your life!

These are some of the examples of how we think we are doing the right thing or what we believe is the only truth there is! The more I think to myself about the beauty of not knowing everything, the easier it gets for me to release the grip of judgment I used to have on others. Let people decide for themselves! Wouldn’t it be beautiful if we let people make decisions for themselves rather than controlling their life? I am not in their shoes, I don’t know what kind of upbringing and experiences have led to their current thinking pattern. If I try to convince myself that I am trying to save them by guiding them, I am wrong! I am just trying to put myself in their current situation, I am not connecting to the way they think or behave. That guidance will never be accurate because I am sharing what "I" feel is the correct approach.

I think when wise people said that we have the power to change the world, they meant “our world” coz everything begins there. If I am rude while talking, no one else should be blamed but me! If I am polite, chances are that eventually, people around me will start reciprocating in the same tone.

If I change my world, I think I wouldn’t need to change anybody else’s. If something exists in this world, that means there is a possibility and I have no right to categorize something as right or wrong based on my limited viewpoint about the world.

This world is filled with phenomenal magic, I want to experience them all. I wanna fall, I wanna stay on the ground for as long as I want, get back whenever I am up for it. I wanna fall in love but I am not afraid of falling out of love either! I know and believe that as long as I am breathing, it's never too late to push reboot!

Live | Laugh | Learn | Forgive | Love | Observe | Fall | Rise | Accept | Let Go - Just keep swimming Dory ;-)

~ Anila Andezhath

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